December Blues
by yazawapda
Summary: Nearly two years after she'd ran away, Kyoko decides to go back to Mitakihara to try and fix things between her and the others. However two years without a haircut and a couple new bad habits later, only one person seems to recognize her. Hitomi Shizuki.
1. Back to the Start

She'd never been good at fixing things, and patching things up here would be a long time coming. And as Kyoko steps off the train platform into the familiar streets of Mitakihara, she feels her stomach twist with this knowledge. She screws her eyes shut and digs through her pockets.

She had traveled light, nothing but a grubby jacket, a pack of smokes and a wad of cash. She lights a cigarette, slowly bringing it to her lips. A new bad habit.

She steps into the bleary December sun, noting that the streets look the same to her somewhat pleasant surprise. There's a new store here and there, new replacing old but nothing has changed for the worse. At least she hopes so.

The smoke and her breath look no different as she forces one frigid leg in front of the other. "I've been gone for how long now?" she asks herself, closing her eyes. "Two years, nearly. Shit."

Kyoko shakes the thought form her mind, brushing a clump of dirty red hair out of her face. She begins walking towards the school.

Her nose crinkles at the thought of how they'd react. How Sayaka would react. Yelling or fighting or maybe just hugs? She hopes she gets hugs.

She arrives at the school just as kids start pouring out of the building, meeting up at the gate and leaving together. She used to do that with Madoka and Sayaka. She sees others, sitting in tree branches and whispering to each other, waving to their friends. Smiling.

She spots Madoka in the crowd, still sporting two pigtails wrapped in ribbons. Sayaka walks next to her, laughing heartily and slapping some black-haired girl's shoulder. Kyoko's eyes light up.

They walk right past her, without a second glance. Her heart sinks.

She feels the sting in her nose that means she's going to cry and grits her teeth. "Why'd I think they'd recognize me?" she sighs "I've been gone two years a'course they wouldn't recognize me."

"Excuse me," someone says, tapping her shoulder. "Aren't you Sayaka's friend? Kyoko?"

A girl with wavy green hair stands before the redhead, looking down at her shoes as if they were a light show.

"Yeah, and yer uh," Kyoko racks her brain for a name. "Hitomi? Yeah?"

Hitomi nods, finally meeting Kyoko's eyes. "Are you looking for Sayaka?"

"Yeah. She doesn't recognize me anymore though. Neither does Ma'oka." Kyoko lifts her cigarette back to her mouth, taking a long drag.

Resisting the urge to slap the thing out of the girl's hands, Hitomi takes a breath to try and calm herself down. She remembers Sayaka calling her, crying, saying she couldn't find Kyoko. None of them could. She begins to feel sick and tries to block that entire week and half from her memory.

"Y'okay there kiddo?" Hitomi blinks as Kyoko speaks, slowly bringing herself back to reality. "Ya don't look too good."

"I can help you." The words leave her mouth without a second thought and Kyoko nearly drops her cigarette. "She's been so worried, I'm sure she'd be relieved to finally hear from you."

"She's worried?" Kyoko scoffs. "But sure, give it a try."

The sit in silence for a moment, and Kyoko turns her head away as not to blow smoke in Hitomi's face. "Thanks," she whispers. Hitomi gives her a small smile.


	2. Coffee's for Closers

The redhead crushes a cigarette under her boot, gritting her teeth. Her sixth today, she's smoked half the pack and isn't looking forward to getting more. Bile rises in her throat. Again. She swallows it back down.

She'd told Hitomi that she'd be waiting here, the old playground she practically lived at as a child. Smiling, she remembers long summer evenings where'd she sit on the jungle gym and watch the sunsets with Sayaka and Madoka. She smiles, despite herself. The crunch of gravel snaps her from her memory.

"Kyoko Sakura you absolute asshole!" Kyoko recognizes the voice, despite the two years apart. Oh, does she recognize the angry voice of Sayaka Miki.

"Sayaka listen," she steps back, as if to defend herself.

"No, you listen. Do you have any idea what kind of shit you put us through? Two years. Two fucking years- I'm pretty sure Madoka still hasn't stopped crying over you." The taller girl seethes for a moment, hands curled into fists. She stares Kyoko down for a long moment.

Kyoko spots Hitomi a little ways off, waiting rather uncomfortably. She seems to have expected Sayaka's anger, and Kyoko realizes she should have too. The redhead reaches out to touch Sayaka's shoulder, trying to look her in the eyes.

"Don't touch me," the blue-haired girl slaps her hand away, "don't fucking touch me. I thought you were dead y'know! I thought you'd gone and gotten yourself killed." She takes a step forward, and Kyoko steps back again. Sayaka continues to back Kyoko into the rusty green jungle gym.

"Sayaka I had to leave-"

"You could have at least told us, instead of disappearing in the middle of the fucking night."

Kyoko shrinks back, voice unsteady. "I was like 12 that was a mistake okay-"

"No shit. Think about someone besides yourself for once." Sayaka grinds her teeth for a moment, and Kyoko silently prays she'll stop yelling.

The blue haired girl does stop, only to draw back a fist and punch the shorter girl straight in the nose. Kyoko feels her head hit one of the metal bars behind as she recoils from the hit.

Hitomi rushes over, grabbing Sayaka's arm and pulling her back. She whispers something that Kyoko can't quite make out. Sayaka turns and begins to walk away, leaving Kyoko to stare after her with a bloody nose and a bruised head. They're all silent.

"Kyoko, she-"

"She's right. Ya don't need to comfort me or anythin' i know she's right. I'm a fuckin' asshole and she's right."

Hitomi says nothing, watching the redhead as she practically rips her pack of smokes from her pocket, tearing it open and fumbling for one of the cigarettes inside. The green-haired girl can't help but look inside the small white box, noticing that there aren't many left.

"Does your head hurt?" She asks, distracting both herself and the redhead. Kyoko drops the cigarette, her hands shaking.

"A li'l. I can deal with it though." She shoves her hands in her pockets. "I, uh, I think I should go probably."

"Do you have somewhere to stay?"

No. She doesn't.

"Yeah, I gots my uncles house."

She's got a small alleyway 3 hours from here and dumpster to hide behind.

"Okay, as long as you've got somewhere to go," Hitomi looks uncomfortable as she speaks, and Kyoko looks to the side guiltily. "Perhaps we could meet again some time tomorrow? After school?"

"Ah- sure."

She'll have to get up early, make sure she's in town and decent looking. Maybe get some more cigarettes too.

"Stay safe." Hitomi mumbles, watching as the redhead walks away. She doesn't see Kyoko burning the tips of her fingers.


	3. I've Been Asleep for a Long Long Time

The walk back "home" was not something Kyoko had been looking forward to. An hour by train, three or four by foot, and she didn't have enough money left to buy another ticket. Peachy. And although she was almost there now, she felt as though there was still miles to go before she got back.

She'd been living in a small town outside of Mitakihara for a while now, dodging in and out of alleyways, learning to pickpocket and stealing a few meals here and there. She had money at first, but at twelve years old she really didn't know how to spend responsibly.

She sighs at the memory and tries to push herself forward. She's in the city now, sighing again but this time out of relief. She ducks into a dead-end alley and sinks back against the wall. What a fucking day.

"Maybe goin' back was a mistake." She stares at her boots. "Maybe I shoulda got myself killed or somethin. They don't needs me 'round anyways. They lasted two years, they can last for the rest a'their lives."

With a yawn, Kyoko swiftly removes her jacket and lays it over her nearly bare legs. She rubs her arms and hopes that the old flannel shirt will keep her moderately warm. Maybe she should find some long pants before she goes back to Mitakihara.

As she lays there, a thought jumps into her mind. Mami.

How could she have forgotten Mami? Come to think of it, she hadn't seen Mami when she was over there. Sayaka hadn't mentioned her either. Weird.

The redhead, yawns again, and decides to look it into it tomorrow. Despite how early it is, she decides to sleep.

Morning comes with muted sunlight and crisp white snow. Kyoko wakes with violent shivers and a growling stomach, quickly pushing herself up to shake the snow off herself.

She pulls what's left of her money from her pocket, slowly sifting through the bills with numb fingers. She can't keep track of the numbers, restarting a few times before she gives up. It's too cold.

"Maybe walkin' back'ill warm me up a bit," she mutters to herself. With slow steps, she begins walking back to Mitakihara.

She discovers rather quickly the walk back only makes her colder. The wind pushes against her, blowing snow into her face and making it all the more difficult to see. She pushes on, her legs buckling underneath her.

"I r-really gotta look int'a some long pants," she mumbles to herself.

It takes her much longer than usual to get there, but she finally arrives in Mitakihara and immediately collapses onto the nearest bench. She sits there for a moment, relishing in the temporary lack of wind as she lets her legs rest.

She looks around at her snow covered surroundings, there's a few absurdly large houses, and a familiar building a short ways off. Mami's apartment building. That place was always warm. She pushes herself up, rushing over to the building. "It's prolly Saturday or somethin' I could go visit." The redhead doesn't really care that it's actually a Thursday, just knowing Mami still lives there would be enough for her.

She's greeted with a rush of warm air and soft yellow light when she opens the door. She steps inside and shakes the snow off her boots.

It looks the same as it always did, a few chairs here and there, and a desk at the back. Kyoko takes a deep breath, Mami's probably gonna be angry too.

Does uh, does Mami Tomoe still live here?" She asks, looking hopefully to the man working at the desk.

"Mami Tomoe no longer lives here."

Kyoko's stomach drops, she begins to feel nauseous. "Do you know where she's moved?"

"Mami Tomoe is dead."

"Okay," she mumbles. Okay. Everything is okay.

She leaves the building without another word and settles down on a bench outside, staring blankly ahead, unable to process the news. Okay, it's okay. Everything is okay. Okay. Mami is dead. Everything is okay.

"Th-this is just some stupid dream," she mumbles to herself, teeth chattering as she lies back and stars at the clouds. "I'm gonna wake up back in my alley and I'll 'ave never even come back. Yeah." She closes her eyes.

Mami is dead, and Kyoko's lips are turning blue.

—

School is a bore, Hitomi finds. Although almost over, she's unable to focus. She keeps thinking about the events of the previous day. She decides to ask Sayaka about the whole thing, later, of course. The girl is still angry. Hitomi of course understood why, if she had been in Sayaka's position she would have blown up at the girl too.

The bell rouses Hitomi from her thoughts, and she finds herself facing Sayaka and Madoka in a matter of seconds.

The three quickly gather their things, and begin to walk home. Sayaka and Hitomi drop Madoka off before continuing the rest of the way to Hitomi's place. Hitomi doesn't like that Sayaka has to walk alone.

Sayaka stops by a few benches, taking a seat and patting the spot next to her.

They sit in silence for a moment, simply staring out at the apartment block in front of them. Sayaka used to come here a lot.

"Have you told Madoka yet?" Hitomi asks quietly, adjusting her scarf.

"Not yet, I will later though." Sayaka stares blankly.

"Don't put it off too long, Sayaka."

Again, there's a silence between the two.

"So," the blue-haired girl clears her throat. "Is Kyoko coming back or what? Did she tell you anything?"

"Coming back? She told me," Hitomi racks her brain for what Kyoko had said. "She told me she was staying at her uncle's house." The look Sayaka gives her makes Hitomi's gut twist.

"Kyoko doesn't have an uncle that lives here."

She feels almost lightheaded as Sayaka speaks. She doesn't quite hear the rest of it, but she knows Kyoko is probably frozen at this point. What without a place to live- and those shorts- the poor girl's got to have frostbite by now.

Hitomi looks away, to try and breathe. However her breath stops when she spots the very girl they're talking about, seemingly asleep a couple benches away.

"Sayaka."

"What is it-oh shit."

Kyoko is roused from her shock-induced slumber by two muffled voices and a hand on her shoulder. Upon opening her eyes she sees the blurred figures of Sayaka and Hitomi. Funny, they should be still in Mitakihara. Funny, _she's _still in Mitakihara. She stands up, practically throwing herself off the bench.

"Hey, hey, take it easy," Sayaka warns, watching as the girl stumbles backwards. Hitomi reaches out to steady her. "What are you doing out here?"

Kyoko doesn't answer, shaking terribly and looking between the two with wide eyes. She can't feel her legs and she can't remember where she is.

"We'll take her to my house," Hitomi says decidedly. She takes off her scarf, giving it to Kyoko instead. "It's not far."

Sayaka nods in agreement, moving to hook Kyoko's arm around her shoulder as to help her walk. "What about your parents?"

"They won't be home for a few hours yet. My room is big, I can hide her." Despite her steady voice, it's obvious to Sayaka that Hitomi is nervous.

Hitomi sneaks the two through the back door, helping Kyoko take off her boots before carting the girl upstairs. She rushes from spare bedrooms to hall closets, grabbing almost any blanket she can find. Sayaka works to get Kyoko's snow covered jacket off, grabbing a towel from a nearby bathroom to dry off the redhead's hair. When Hitomi returns, piles and piles of blankets in hand, she wraps a few around the girl's shoulders.

"I'll go put on some tea." She's gone again.

Sayaka sits next to Kyoko, tucking the blanket corners in.

"M-Mami." Kyoko shudders and stares at the floor. Sayaka freezes.

"Oh," she whispers. "Sorry I-"

Kyoko shakes her head, her eyes stinging as she tried not to cry. Frozen or not she still had some shred of pride she wanted to keep intact. "H-h-how'd she-"

"I uh, I'll come by and talk about it when you're in better shape." When we're both in better shape, Sayaka thinks to herself. She stands up and wraps another blanket around the redhead's shoulders.

* * *

sorry for the wait, had a bit of trouble finishing this off. this one's actually longish go me.

thanks for all the reviews! hope you guys continue to enjoy it


	4. She's a Riot

Hitomi reenters the room with tea in hand, looking wearily at the two silent girls sitting on the bed. She notices more color in Kyoko's face, and she gives a small nod of approval.

"We should probably get you some dry clothes," she murmurs, looking to Kyoko. She sets the tea down on the bedside table.

"I oughta head home," Sayaka stands, "I need to check on Homura."

Hitomi nods in understanding, digging through her drawers for some fleece pajamas. Kyoko looks between the two, confused.

"Who's H-Homura?" she asks, her voice almost back to normal. Sayaka stops again.

"She's a transfer student that I live with. She was home sick today, though."

The blue-haired girl is gone in seconds, leaving Kyoko with only person to give confused looks. She shivers again as Hitomi pulls the blankets off of her.

"I can fill you in on a few things you've missed." Hitomi tries to give the shorter girl a smile as she hands her an absurd pair of christmas themed pajamas. "You should probably get in contact with the others once you get a chance." Kyoko nods.

The redhead turns away, as much as she can, before ungracefully clambering out of her shirt. Hitomi is unsure as to ask her if she needs help, but Kyoko assures her she's fine with a small grumble and a proud smile as she starts buttoning up the candy-cane striped shirt.

"I should go hide your boots." She waits for a nod from the girl before she rushes downstairs. She tosses to worn down and mud covered boots into the corner of he closet. No one ever looks there.

She's relieved to find Kyoko hadn't fallen while she'd been downstairs. The girl sits peacefully, wrapped in blankets and cautiously sipping tea. Hitomi takes a deep breath and gives a long sigh.

"What _were_ you doing out there, Kyoko?" she asks, voice hesitant and quiet. She has studying to do but that doesn't seem important right now.

She takes a seat on the opposite side of the bed, undoing the ribbon from her uniform. She fiddles with it for a moment.

"I dunno really," the redhead speaks slowly. She thinks about it for a moment, her mind still not quite working properly. "I wanted to see if Mami still lived here, I guess."

"She was a nice girl."

Kyoko makes a small sound of agreement, setting her tea down and pulling the blankets tighter around herself. Keeping herself from crying is harder this time. She sniffles and tries to wipe her eyes before Hitomi can notice.

"You should rest." Kyoko nods as Hitomi reaches to drag a textbook out of her backpack.

The redhead shifts herself, curling under the blankets and sighing. She hasn't been in a bed this comfortable since- she hasn't been in a bed this comfortable. She relishes in the softness and watches as Hitomi reads and rereads, covers parts of the text, closes her eyes, whispers the stages of mitosis under her breath. She smiles, Mami used to study like that.

—

Hitomi looks up from her studying when she hears the door open downstairs. A quick glance to her left tells her Kyoko is sound asleep. She stands up and gently as she can, not wanting to disturb her.

Her dinner is quiet, she tells her parents that she's been studying and they give nods of approval. She thanks no one in particular for how quickly the meal is done, allowing her to trot back upstairs.

She thinks about grabbing her textbook again, she needs to get an A this time. She doesn't want her parents to get angry again.

However she lets the book sit where it is, instead looking down at Kyoko. The girl rolls over before settling back into her heavy sleep. Hitomi doesn't blame her, the past two days have been enough of an emotional knife in the ribs. She doesn't even begin to think about how the past two _years_ must have been for her.

She sits on what she now calls her side of the bed, and thinks. About what happened, what will happen. Will her parents find out? Will Kyoko run off the first chance she gets?

Why did she leave in the first place Hitomi finds herself wondering. Neither Kyoko or Sayaka had even hinted at a reason for the redhead's disappearing. She tries to think of possible reasons herself.

She quickly stops herself, realizing she knows nothing about the girl at all. She hadn't been as close to Madoka, Mami, or Kyoko at the time. Truthfully, she can't remember if she was ever properly introduced to her. A few times, maybe, she'd at least seen her with Sayaka or the others.

Her phone's muffled ringing brings her back to reality, and she grabs it from her backpack, trying to silence it as quickly as she can. She looks down at the text from Sayaka.

_i told Madoka_

She pauses as Sayaka types another message.

_dont be surprised if she asks to come over_

_she got a little grumpy cause i didnt tell her sooner_

Hitomi giggles at the thought of Madoka pouting, sending Sayaka a quick reply.

She leans back against the headboard and looks to the ceiling. She doesn't want to think about it anymore.

She stands, realizing she'll need to get herself another pillow and take off the rest of her uniform. She throws on some old shirt of her father's and some pair of pajama bottoms that were folded on the dresser top.

Pillow in hand, she decides an early night would probably be good for her, and crawls into bed beside the redhead. She finds herself dozing off rather quickly, barely noticing when Kyoko's hand finds its way over to hers.

—

Kyoko dreams of fire and blaring smoke alarms. She dreams of smoke blocking her vision as the alarms get louder. Louder, louder-

She sits up, looking frantically form side to side. She spots a messy haired Hitomi desperately trying to shut off an alarm clock. She gives a sigh of relief.

"S-Sorry," Hitomi mumbles. "I forgot about this."

She watches the girl fumble with it for a moment before she succeeds in turning it off. She almost laughs as Hitomi blindly stumbles around before tripping on the textbook she'd left out.

"I swear, I'm a lot more coordinated after eight o'clock." Hitomi shakes her hair from her face. "My parents should be gone by now, I'm sure you'd like some breakfast."

Kyoko perks up at the mention of food, standing up and racing to the door.

"Sweet ,I'm starving," she grins, following Hitomi down the stairs.

"My mother might not be gone yet, we should probably be quiet. Just in case." Kyoko nods, now following along on her tiptoes to Hitomi's rather large kitchen.

Hitomi swings open the pantry cupboard and pulls out a couple boxes of cereal, placing them on the counter. Kyoko looks at them all, mildly disappointed at the lack of one with colored marshmallows.

"Hitomi?" a voice calls out from the hallway. Kyoko snaps her head towards Hitomi and the green-haired girl makes a few wild gestures for Kyoko to get down, and the redhead all btu dives behind the counter.

"Y-Yes mom?" Hitomi gives a forced smile as her mother leans out from the hallway leaning towards the porch.

"I'm gone to work now. Don't forget to pack your lunch." Hitomi nods and Kyoko remains near paralyzed on the floor, holding her breath.

They wait until they hear the door close before Kyoko lets out her breath and mutters a small "Holy shit," before Hitomi helps her up.

"Sorry, again," she says quietly.

"It's fine."

The two sit in relative silence, clinking spoons ringing through the empty dining room. Hitomi finishes quickly, before going upstairs to change. Kyoko plows through another bowl of whatever crunch fest Hitomi had picked for them before the girl comes downstairs in her uniform.

"Can I come with ya?" She asks looking the girl over. The uniform makes her oddly nostalgic. She used to love playing with the bow form Sayaka's. "Dunno what I'd do but still."

"I think it's best of you stay home and rest," Hitomi smiles.

"C'mon, I'm better now, ain't I?"

"Oh, I don't know," Hitomi says with mock seriousness. "You're still looking pretty weak to me."

"Weak? C'mon I could lift ya right off the ground!" Kyoko stands, wrapping her arms around Hitomi's waist and lifting her up, grinning up at her. "See?"

Hitomi laughs as Kyoko puts her down. "In all seriousness, I still think you should rest for today. My parents won't be home all day, so you don't have to worry about that." Hitomi tries to ignore Kyoko's pouting as she continues. "There's some soup in the fridge you can warm up for lunch, and there's bound to be some decent movies in the den."

Kyoko watches the taller girl as she speaks, silent and a little nervous. Six hours alone? She stops for a moment. She's been spending all her time alone for two years, what's she worried about?

"Kyoko?" The redhead blinks when Hitomi calls her name, seeing the girl had managed to pack her lunch while she had been spacing out.

She finds herself following Hitomi while she gathers all her things, listening to her talk about where everything is and where to find this and that. After the girl hauls her boots on, she gives Kyoko another smile and fixes the collar of her pajama shirt. Before she can apologize for the third time that morning, Kyoko tells her she'll be fine and send her on her way with a wave and a quick "Have a good day!"

She wonders if she'll be able to figure out Hitomi's fancy shmancy DVD player.

* * *

oops super late with this one sorry about that. anyway, heres your weekly dose of kyohito dorks


	5. Your Bones

Despite being against the idea at first, Kyoko spends most of her day drifting in and out of sleep on the couch, slowly becoming unsure of what was another hazy dream or the muddled reality that was 2:46 in the afternoon.

She paces from one side of the living room to the other, cigarette box and lighter in hand. She knows she's smoked a lot today but the cravings won't stop. She shakes her head, frustrated. This feels like the dream she had this morning. It feels the ground isn't quite solid.

She peeks into the kitchen, looking at the clock on the stove, deciding to try and walk out to the school and wait for Hitomi. Disoriented as she is, she manages to dig through the closet for her boots and, jacket zipped up to her mouth, begin her walk.

She lights a cigarette, disgusted with herself.

"Maybe somebody'll run me over or something." She doesn't take her eyes off of her boots as she keeps walking. She doesn't really care that she's still in pajamas, instead relishing in the extra warmth of having something cover her legs. She begins to balance on the curb.

It doesn't take long- it doesn't feel like it took long- to reach the school, and the bells rings within moments of her getting there. Was it minutes or hours? She shakes her head.

Kyoko spots Hitomi, alone. No Madoka or Sayaka in sight. She catches Hitomi's eye for a brief moment before the green haired is in front of her. She looks tired, eyes red and skin pale. She mentions something about leaving quickly, Kyoko can't hold onto it.

The two walk back in silence, Hitomi not questioning Kyoko's sudden appearance and Kyoko not questioning Hitomi's rush. Kyoko continues to balance herself along the curb, oblivious to Hitomi's worried glances.

Kyoko realizes, suddenly, she must've dropped her cigarette back at the school. She loses her balance, falling onto the asphalt. Hitomi flinches, nearly dropping her bag. The redhead stays silent, thought curious, and merely pushes herself up.

"Please be careful," Hitomi murmurs. Kyoko hums in response.

The newly regained silence does nothing to help the redhead's feeling of unreality. She takes a risk, speaking.

"Somethin' up?" she asks as Hitomi opens the door. The two step inside, Kyoko tossing her boots back in the closet and un zipping her jacker. Hitomi carefully removes her jacket boots.

Hitomi shrugs awkwardly, heading towards the stairs. Kyoko's unsure if she should follow. She decides against it, instead half-laying herself back on the couch. She blindly restarts whatever movie she had on before she left.

It's not very long before Hitomi returns, now in pajamas herself. She practically falls onto the couch next to the redhead.

"Long day?" Kyoko mumbles, fumbling with the tv remote in an attempt to turn the volume down.

"Very."

"Maybe you should take a nap or somethin'," Kyoko moves to sit up, giving Hitomi room to lie down. "It's Friday right? Ya don't hafta go anywhere ta'morrow."

She sits with Hitomi for a while, at least until the girl drifts off into a light sleep. Although opposed to leaving the girl alone, she doesn't want to risk being seen by her parents. She stands, slowly, afraid, and pulls herself up the stairs and back into Hitomi's room. She shivers and sits on the floor, leaning against the bed.

Alone and awake, she begins to cry.

—

Hitomi wakes to the sound of the door unlocking. Sitting up, she frantically searches for any sign of Kyoko. None. Her stomach twists.

She watches blankly as her father walks through, giving a nod in her direction before retreating to his room. He calls out, shortly after.

"How do you think you did on you test?"

"Fine," she calls back, trying to keep her voice steady.

"That's good. Supper will be ready in a little while, dear. Your mother is working late tonight, so it'll be just us."

Hitomi yells a qyuck okay to her father before rushing up the stairs. What if Kyoko's gone? She couldn't have left, right? She hasn't even been here three days.

Upon entering her room, she finds the redhead moping to herself. Looking closer, moping doesn't feel like the right word.

She sits hunched over a pillow, holding tight to it. Her shoulders shake-barely but Hitomi still spots it. The green-haired girl reaches out, slowly.

She barely grazes Kyoko's shoulder before the redhead shakes her hand away. "Don' touch me," she whispers.

So Hitomi, discouraged, merely stands there. Paralyzed.

"I shouldn't a'left." Kyoko's voice is gravelly and quivering. She hates the way it wobbles and creaks when she tries to speak, it makes her feel weak. "She wouldn't 'ave died than if I hadn't left she'd still be here and Sayaka wouldn't hate me." She hiccups between breaths, Hitomi tries to look at her.

"I'm sure she doesn't _hate_ you."

"She does. She was just actin' nice th'other day when you guys found me. She still hates me why wouldn't she hate me. I left."

They're silent for a while, the shorter girl nearly seething as Hitomi watches her, unsure of what to say or how to say it. She knows nothing, really. She knows nothing and yet she needs Kyoko to know it'll be okay. Looking at her is almost painful.

Her usual rough and tumble image is gone, replaced instead by a small and miserable demeanour. Small and lost, so very very lost.

"It's hard," Hitomi says quietly. "It's hard, I know."

"I jus'- i loved her so much, y'know?" Kyoko's knuckles start to turn white. "I didn't say goodbye. I fuckin' left without saying goodbye at all now she's _dead_ what was I thinking."

Hitomi bites her lip, feeling close to tears. The day's been long and it can only get longer still. She tries to speak, thinking back. She manages a strangled "I," before Kyoko whirls around.

"Shut up. Don't make it about you don't know what it feels like. Don't- okay I just- fuck." She runs a hand through her matted bangs. "I'm a fucking mess, why did I leave. If I hadn't I wouldn't be _stuck_ here an-"

Hitomi feels her stomach drop, her throat tightening and she gives a sharp whimper. Kyoko stares with wide eyes, seemingly snapped out of her angry daze

She stumbles over her words frantically. "Shit I- I didn't mean it like that."

Hitomi's father calls for supper, the taller girl leaves without another word.

—

Hitomi doesn't come back upstairs for a long, long time. Kyoko considers leaving, while she's gone. She hates herself for it. She'll come back and Hitomi'll be dead too. She chokes on her own breath.

She doesn't know what time it is when the girl finally does come back upstairs. She crawls into bed and buries herself in blankets before Kyoko can say a word. However, desperate to mend things she does the same, inching closer to her silent companion.

"Hey," she whispers. "Listen, 'Tomi. I'm real sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that I just. I don't know, my temper's too much I know. Ts'okay if you hate me or something."

Hitomi turns over, eyes and heart both heavy. "I don't- I don't hate you. You've been through a lot, and I know nothing about it." She reaches out slightly, patting the mattress blindly for Kyoko's hand. It takes a moment, but she finds it, lacing her fingers through the redhead's.

"Sorry I keep messin' up."

"It's alright," she murmurs gently. "Everything's alright."

* * *

my apologies for missing last weeks update! ive been ridiculously sick as of late, and i was travelling all weekend. sorry if this chapter is a little weird, i had a difficult time writing it. hopefully i'll be able to get out another update later today [its about 2 am?] since i missed a week


	6. 400 Lux

Hitomi thinks, as Kyoko's breath evens out. She thinks about death, and crashing cars. Horrible news and school assemblies. Apologizing, funerals. "Sorry for your loss," over and over, it never stopped. Both of them gone.

"Kyoko," she whispers. Scared. "How close were you and Mami? It's okay if you don't want to answer."

The redhead opens her eyes, slowly, she's half asleep. "Real close. I used t'a stay over at hers a lot, she'd try an' teach me how to bake. She liked watchin' old musicals and sometimes we'd fall asleep on tha couch and not wake up 'til my-" she cuts herself off with a fake sounding yawn "my parents called." Hitomi nods, Kyoko stares blankly. "I even lived with her for a bit."

"Did you?"

"Yeah. I don' feel like talkin' about why though."

"That's alright," Hitomi nods. She reaches out and grabs a strand of Kyoko's hair, playing with it.

She knows if she talks about _it_, she'll only make Kyoko feel worse. The girl probably feels terrible already. But she knows if she doesn't speak her chest will feel weighted for the rest of the night, tremors like shaking earth will rake through her without mercy. It will rain. She misses the way he loved the rain.

"There was a boy I knew who liked musicals a lot. He played the violin and Sayaka really liked him. He liked thunderstorms and watching movies with us, I miss him."

"Did he move er," Kyoko asks, hesitant. She has a bad feeling in her gut.

"He died."

"Oh."

Kyoko props herself up on one elbow, looking at Hitomi with apologetic eyes. Her mouth feels dry. "Sorry for what I said earlier." Hitomi shakes her head, but stays silent.

"You could probably use a shower," she says quietly, still twirling some of Kyoko's hair between her fingers. "Afterwards I can brush your hair, if you want."

The redhead nods and pushes herself up to stand, her movements slow and cautious. She remains awkwardly looking from side to side while Hitomi rifles through her drawers for another pair of pajamas. She stares, listening to Hitomi speak.

"There's actually a bathroom in here, so you won't have to worry about being seen by my father or anything."

"Jeez, how rich are ya?" Kyoko laughs. Hitomi laughs too. Her laugh is pretty.

The girl stands, handing Kyoko the small pile of clothes. She's awfully close and Kyoko finds herself mildly annoyed by the fact that Hitomi is taller than her. She pouts.

—

Patiently awaiting Kyoko's return from the shower, Hitomi picks up her phone. She cringes at the amount of missed texts. There's plenty from Sayaka and Madoka, even a few from Homura. All worried. Guilt rises in the back of her throat.

She catches a glimpse of Madoka saying something about coming over in the morning, and she remembers her parents will be out. _Again._

Before she can respond, Kyoko steps out from the bathroom, towel around her neck and steam around her ankles. Despite being soaked, her hair looks much brigther. Hitomi smiles in approval.

The redhead stumbles a moment, heat-dizzy and absolutely loving it.

"Showers are so great," she grins, flopping down onto the bed. She looks up at Hitomi, smiling.

A few minutes later, she makes unseen yet ridiculous faces as Hitomi attempts to brush through the tangles in her hair. She remembers now why she never let her mother do it when she was a child.

"Almost done, Kyoko, bear with me."

Hitomi's voice is gentle and airy, a comfort to the redhead as her hair is tugged and de-knotted. She wonders if she should get it cut. No, she decides, she likes it long.

"Done," Hitomi says triumphantly, a satisfied grin adorning her face.

"Thank the lord," Kyoko groans, rubbing the back of her head. She perks up when she feels Hitomi reach out for the mess of red running down her back.

"May I braid it?"

"Sure."

She relishes in the feeling of Hitomi's fingers working through her hair, leaning back. She yawns. Getting her hair played with always made her sleepy. She hopes she can sleep in, today's been a weird day. She yawns again, and Hitomi giggles.

"Tired?" The redhead nods. "I'm actually done now, let's get some rest."

Burrowed under blankets, Kyoko inches closer to her green-haired companion, seeking all the warmth she can get. Hitomi herself is still sitting up, reading a book with only a small amount of lamp-light. She squints through the half-dark.

"Yer gonna hurt yer eyes like that, 'Tomi." She tugs Hitomi's sleeve, trying to get her to put down the book and sleep. It was her idea to sleep now anyways. She impatiently waits for the girl to turn the lamp off and snuggle into the covers.

"G'night," she whispers.

"Goodnight," Hitomi smiles in return.

* * *

sorry this one's a little short, i havent been feeling well lately. i'll have some more plot-ish stuff soon i swear. also exams are coming up so there might be a lull in updates, my advanced apologies for that. thanks for all the nice reviews, i hope you guys keep reading!


	7. Ride

Sayaka doesn't like Hitomi's parents. She hated them, actually.

They were _never_ around, always gone on business trips or working late or just _gone._ She knows Hitomi manages fine on her own, she can take care of herself better than her and Homura, but she still can't stand the constant absence of her so called guardians.

"What are you thinking about?"

Sayaka stops glowering at the mirror and tugs her shirt on. She rushes through the buttons before turning to Homura.

"It's nothing." She shakes her head and reaches for her jacket, stopping when her housemate taps her shoulder. "What?"

"You did your buttons up wrong," the dark-haired girl mumbles, undoing and redoing the buttons on Sayaka's flannel, listening to the girl groan. "There, I'm done," She huffs. "Drama queen."

"Quiet, you." Sayaka hauls her jacket over her shoulders and crosses her arms, silently brooding.

"You're thinking about her parents again, aren't you?"

It's Sayaka's turn to huff- and huff she does, loud and dramatic.

"You know I don't like them. They're never around, and her mom toxic as fuck." Homura nods, pulling on her boots and watching her friend all but stomp into her own. "Her dad's okay but, like, he's always watching fucking football or at the gym or something stupid. They're only ever around on sundays."

The dark-haired girl listens, semi-intently- she's heard this many times- as Sayaka runs through her list of reasons. She watches more intently than she listens, watches the lanky girl's shoulders square off and shrink down again, watches her lips pull back into scowls.

Saturday mornings are often like this. The girls had made a habit of gathering at Hitomi's for breakfast and any matter of other things. Studying, movies, anything. Sayaka and Homura would pick Madoka up on their way over, the three would walk to the Shizuki's and Madoka, being the sweetheart she is would cook breakfast for them all.

It was common, before they arrived at the Kaname household that Sayaka would grumble a few remarks about Hitomi's parents, under her breath or over it. And Homura would listen, watching as her housemate went through varied facial expressions and postures as she rattled on. Lately, however, she's been much more high-strung.

"Sayaka."

The blue-haired girl stops a moment, turning to face her companion with wide curious eyes, the complete opposite of the sneer previously painting her face. "Yeah?" she tilts her head slightly.

"Is there something else going on?" Homura watches, again, as the girl's body shifts and shrinks.

"Y'know that girl I told ya'bout? The one who ran away a couple years back? She came back. Hitomi's hiding her at her place- dunno why honestly. I'm scared they'll find her."

She hums in response, giving a small nod. Sayaka knows that Homura doesn't talk much, and even when she does comfort isn't exactly her forte. She takes the small hums and muttered words as reassurance. Reassurance she's awfully fond of.

Homura stops, for a moment, just before Madoka's driveway, and Sayaka stops too. She drifts in the featherlight touch of Homura's fingers running across her cheek as the girl leans up to kiss her. It's short and Homura's lips taste like cheap blueberry chapstick but she doesn't mind.

"Let's go." Sayaka watches as Homura walks ahead, greeting Madoka's mother and smiling at little Tatsuya as they wait for their pink-haired companion.

"Enigma," Sayaka shrugs.

—

Hitomi wakes slowly, to whisper-shouts and bumps downstairs. Confused at first- robbers, perhaps. The memory of telling Sayaka where the spare key is, and the sudden knowledge that it's already 9:30 washes over her. Her eyes widen.

Detangling herself from Kyoko, as gently as she can, she quickly descends the stairs, walking into the kitchen to see Madoka chiding Sayaka for burning her hand and Homura reading at the at table.

"Morning, Hitomi," Madoka smiles as she holds Sayaka's hand under cold water. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yes," the girl nods hesitantly. "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?"

Sayaka speaks this time, wincing yet grinning all the same. "We were going to, but you and Kyoko were completely conked out.

"Sayaka, we still need to wrap your hand," Madoka shakes her head, starting off on a jumbled lecture on how to properly care for burns. Hitomi listens, for a while, laughing quietly, until she hears her name called from upstairs.

Excusing herself, she heads back to her room. Kyoko sits with wide eyes a confused face. Again, she murmurs the girl's name, "Hitomi?"

"I'm right here," Hitomi says gently, worried by the redhead's frightened demeanour.

Seemingly brought back to her senses, Kyoko shuts her eyes tight and shakes her head. "Sorry, I got lil confused for a second." Before Hitomi can say anything, she tries to change the conversation. "Heard voices downstairs, something up?"

"Homura, Sayaka, and Madoka are here."

"Madoka? God, I can't face Madoka yet."

Surprised by the girl's words, Hitomi gives her a questioning look.

"She's too nice ta me. Always has been. God, even after-" Kyoko stops herself suddenly, staring down at the mattress.

"After?" Hitomi presses, curious still.

The redhead remains silent, and Hitomi pushes no further, instead trying to offer some sort of reassurance.

"I'm sure it'll be fine." It's lame, she knows, but it seems to help slightly.

Reappearing in the kitchen with Kyoko in tow, Hitomi clears her throat to catch the others' attention.

"Morning," Sayaka greets the redhead with a grin and wave of her freshly bandaged hand. Homura gives a small nod.

Madoka smiles too and Kyoko's heart drops to her stomach. God Madoka's going to love her all lickity spilt after all she'd done. After stealing- on many accounts, most of which Madoka is unaware of. After leaving them- hell for all she knew Mami probably died because of her. She feels nauseated just thinking about it.

"Kyoko!" Her voice is bright and cheerful as she rushes over for a hug. A long, tight hug that Kyoko hesitantly returns. "I can't believe you, you know."

The redhead gulps, listening to her friend go on and on about missing her and not knowing why she left and wanting to hear her sing again and plenty of other things she couldn't keep track of. Old things that made her nostalgic for monkey bars and thanksgiving dinner.

"Yeah, I knows." She knows what's coming next.

"I love you, dummy."

"I- I love you too, Ma'oka."

—

Madoka and Hitomi begin washing up the dishes after everyone is done, and Sayaka scours the house for some kind of cream for her burn, leaving Kyoko and Homura to sit in a semi-awkward silence that Kyoko can't stand.

"So, uh," she starts, looking away as Homura looks up. "How long have ya known these guys now?"

"A few months. Although, I knew Madoka beforehand." The dark-haired girl closes her book, keeping her place with one of her fingers.

"Don't we all," Kyoko says only half jokingly. Most of them had met through Madoka, if she remembered correctly. "How'd ya know 'er?"

"Primary school. We lived on the same street. My family had to move when I was in grade four."

Silence, again, falls over them. This time Kyoko doesn't mind as much, letting herself fall into a half sleep as she listens to Homura turn pages.

* * *

It's everyone's fav late-ass author : D My apologies again for missing last weeks update, I haven't been feeling well lately. I actually chugged a monster today so I could finish writing, but that's besides the point. I should also apologize for how all-over-the-map this is, I've been trying to beat off writers block on top of everything else.  
On another note, I've got finals coming up real soon, so I'll have to leave this story alone for a bit so I can study, but once summer hits I'll try to get it back in gear. See you guys soon!  
p.s: sorry this authors note is so long? do ppl even read these


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